Working World

The last time I blogged was before I left for Spokane. I spent the four months between then and now learning that it’s hard to expend time and effort on being good when I’m feeling overwhelmed and stressed out by work. Things like making my own granola instead of buying it just don’t happen anymore. For the most part I’ve kept up my conscious consumption habits pretty well, although there are a few significant exceptions. Since the second-hand clothing shopping is pretty sparse here (unless I just haven’t found it yet), I made sure to hit up Boystown for consignment when I was in Chicago over the holidays. One small way to keep up my good habits, although hardly a convenient solution. Through the end of October I was doing most of my grocery shopping at the farmer’s market, and since then I’ve been getting my food from a natural food ‘co-op’, which gets a fair amount of local produce and has a good selection of other natural/organic food and other products. For transportation, I’ve been able to get by just fine without a car (as I’d hoped). I live close to the central public transit plaza, so it’s easy enough for me to catch a bus to wherever I need to go (although for the most part I walk everywhere). Sometimes I wish it were a quicker trip to campus, so maybe I’ll buy a bike when the weather gets nicer.

Thus ends the list of good habits I’ve kept up. Now for the areas that I could be better in.

1. Air travel. Despite the fact that I use nothing but my feet for almost all of my local transportation, since moving away from those I’m closest to I’ve been doing a lot of flying. Since August, I’ve flown back to Chicago 3 times. Granted, these weren’t just casual trips for no reason (a wedding, Thanksgiving, and Christmas), but nonetheless, I’ve done more flying in the past 4 months than I did in probably 3 years before that. I’m participating in a system that’s harming the environment in a way that I think is wrong, and yet I wouldn’t (and won’t) change the frequency of my trips. Is it really worth so much to me to be able to spend time with my friends and family in Chicago that I am willing to impose the cost of flying on others in order to gain the benefits for myself? I guess I need to digress here for a bit and actually evaluate this decision of mine instead of just beating myself up about it: On the one hand I think it’s wrong that I externalize costs onto others, but on the other hand I think that the benefit I get from it is significant enough that it’s worth it. My first instinct is to think that I’m just being selfish by putting my own interests ahead of others, but if I consider my position more objectively, I would have to say that I think that it would be ok for someone else to do the same thing if they were in a similar situation. More generally, on reflection, I think that human relationships are extremely valuable, and contributing to global warming by flying a few times a year can be offset by other efforts. I don’t think anyone should be isolated from the people they’re closest to, even if it means that they have to contribute to a moderate level of unjust environmental degradation. That being said, there’s a third way: to go ahead and fly as I’m inclined, but instead of externalizing the costs to others, to make an effort to offset those costs by giving to environmental organizations. I don’t think that I shouldn’t be allowed to fly, but I do think that flying should cost more (the cost should reflect the total cost to all involved, not just the cost to put a plane in the air and foist pollution on the unwilling masses). This is a solution I can live with. (Note: This is not to say that I think that only those should fly who can afford to buy a ticket and also concern themselves with trying to maintain environmental integrity, just that those who can afford to not externalize the costs of cheap airfare ought to. I haven’t done a lot of research into what those costs actually are, but they don’t seem to be as high as I would have guessed. $30 a ticket or so, to the right organization, might do it. I just gave to the ‘Maya Nut Institute’.)

2. General increase in spending. Moving on from air travel, I also think that my general spending habits could be better. This is the first job I’ve had where I actually get a regular paycheck, and actually earning money is really something. I’ve worked part time jobs before, and I’ve had temporary full time jobs over the summer, but until now I’ve never had a full time job for a sustained amount of time. It’s a weird feeling. Despite myself, I have to say that I’m feeling pretty attached to making money. Being able to go out for coffee, or dinner, or a drink, whenever I want, is pretty luxurious. I was going to say that I’d been taking advantage of it, but when it comes down to it my extra spending has mostly been limited to coffee shops (air travel aside). When I first got here I was eating meals out a lot (partly because my kitchen things hadn’t arrived yet, and partly because I didn’t have any other human contact), but lately I rarely eat lunch or dinner out. When I’m not on campus on a given day, I’m likely to go to a coffee shop for a latte and something tasty, which is definitely a liberty that I’m choosing to take. I think it helps me to keep my peace of mind (getting out of the apartment, helping me to have time where I can focus on whatever I’m working on and am less inclined to distraction), but ultimately I know that I’m spending money that I don’t need to be spending, and that it’s money that could be helping others who are in desperate need. Really there’s no justification for the amount of pastries I’ve been shoving down my gullet: once in a while is ok, but I don’t need to buy one every time I go into a coffee shop. I also don’t need to pay extra for steamed milk when I can just get regular coffee and put a little cream in it. I’ll save a few bucks a week, and redirect it to a monthly contribution to some organization like Feeding America. It’s amazing what sort of ‘being good’ issues get resolved when I just sit down and think them through.

3. Time. The day after I turned in final grades last semester, I woke up and asked, ‘What am I doing with my life?’ This is not to say that I don’t think that teaching is a valuable use of my skills and efforts. Rather, I realized at the end of the semester that I hadn’t been making my own decisions on how to use my time. I’d just struggled, for four months, to keep my head above water teaching all of my classes. When I finally got to a day where I didn’t have papers to grade or lessons to write, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I took some time off for my trip to Chicago, but since then I’ve mostly been frittering my days away. Not that I’ve been totally unproductive, but I’ve definitely not been getting everything done that I was hoping to do. Instead, I’ve been watching a lot of shows on my computer, reading a lot of news online, playing a lot of ‘words with friends’. This next semester, I think that I should have more spare time than I did last semester (I won’t be teaching anything for the first time, I’m organized from the start instead of trying to figure things out as I go), and I want to make the most of that time. There are some things I need to do with that time professionally (working on researching and getting articles out—something that I didn’t find any time for last semester), and some things that I want to do (working on writing non-academic pieces for general consumption—op-eds and the like). There are also little things that I want to do with my time: making a commitment to cooking myself a healthy meal instead of whatever is fastest, making sure that my apartment is kept clean, taking the time to run when the weather is nice enough for it, making the decision to read a book instead of watching another show on hulu. Maybe I won’t be able to motivate myself to do any of this, but when it comes down to it, this is all stuff that I want to do, that will help me to become who I want to be, and that will make me feel better if I do it.

Ok, what am I really saying with all of this? It comes down to this: since starting work full time, I’ve found myself swamped by new responsibilities, and as a result I haven’t had the self-control or self-motivation to push myself in the directions I want to go in, or to take the time to reflect on what I’m doing with my life and my time. I need to keep that reflection as a part of my life, and I need to keep reminding myself that the easiest option isn’t always the road that I want to take. We’ll see if I can keep myself focused once the semester starts.